Golhaabo, Aneesa and "Presidential Privileges"

Feeling quite historical (not hysterical yet) at the moment I found that Bernard H. Bourdill, the then acting Governor of Ceylon, visited Maldives in 1930 to advise the then Sultan and the government of the Maldives in drafting of the First Constitution. The compiled Constitution contained 92 articles. It took exactly 1 year, 8 months and 22 days from the Sultan's decree to draft a Constitution to the ratification of the document.

Today we have a new constitution, ratified on 7th August 2008, and after a lot of tail bending, tongue biting and horn twisting, a little demon, whispered in my septic ears, that His Foreverness Golhaabo for Life our God is hell bent on abusing it again, unsatisfied that he has already violated the old constitution. Bloody burning hell!!

As argued by Hamittey's son Shaheen, representing the Elections Commission, the constitution was “new”. Ehehehee…freak!! Constitutions can never be repealed legally!! They can only be amended, unless a revolution takes place.

In over 40 articles, he said, the constitution refers to itself as “this constitution” meaning past constitutions are void. Ho hum!! Another so-called “legal” interpretation made and fed by His Foreverness uncle.

Clause 293(b), noted Hameed, specifies that “upon the commencement of this Constitution, the ‘Constitution of the Republic of the Maldives’ which came into force on 1 January 1998 shall be repealed.” It is on this basis that His Foreverness Golhaabo for Life our God claimed that THAT is the reason why the 30 years of his rule cannot be counted and he can face elections again and that he did this time. So therefore his 30 year rule is not part of this new constitution. I have seen his Foreverness say this on my new Flaming Red293Ghetto TV. Go have a looksy at Hamaroalhi or Haveeru or whatever news that takes your fancy.

Come to Hell Shaheen!!! Were you planning to be another bloody embarrassment to the Legal Profession of Maldives, like my rosy pudgy pie Azima Sukoor. And as for the judges who knows steaming-crap about proper legal theories, who, in their “infinite judicial wisdom” ruled for Golhaa, the saying goes, “Out of every three judges, two will go to hell”. Come to Papa!!! I have made a nice burning bed of fire for them…stoking them hot as I speak!!


Here is the funny thing: Under Clause 107 of the new constitution, which sets the two-term limit, specifically says no President elected “pursuant to this constitution” may serve more than two terms, whilst the transitional chapter states the upcoming presidential elections will be the first held under this constitution, the Elections Commission argued.

The truth (oh! It hurts to say that!!), is His Foreverness Golhaa said that he was running for Presidency under the new constitution. AND HE LOST!!! And right under the bloody blooming New Constitution…hehehehe…
Even though His Foreverness Golhaa lost, he still is pursuing the lavish life he had before under the new constitution. WTFing Hell!

According to the new constitution Article 128 states:

“Raaisul Jumhooriyaa kamuge magaam gai huri meehaku kuh veri nuve qaanoonee hamathakuge mathin vakivejje nama dhaulathge emme mathee verikan koffaivaa meehakah dheyn jehey izzathaai gadharaai ekasheegen vaa fadha rakkaa theri kamaai maalee inaaya thaai ehenihen inaayathah emeehakah haggu vaane eve. Mi gothun dhevey rakkaatheri kamaai inaayahthah gaanoonu gaa bayaan kuran vaaane eve”.

Now we know what the Ol’ Foreverness is after! IF GOLHAA SAYS THAT HE HAS NOT RULED UNDER NEW CONSTITUTION AND THAT IS WHY HE COULD RUN FOR OFFICE THIS TIME, then he should not be given any “khaassa inaayaiy” (privileges) under the NEW CONSTITUTION because HE HAS Not RULED UNDER the new CONSTITUTION!!He cannot have it BOTH WAYS!! When it comes to power he wants to run under the old constitution and the new one. My little dark minions, we can’t let him take this one!

That old bag of an Aneesaththa is making me wanna twist off that rotten, old wrinkly tongue of hers with my Trident!! My little evil ones, I am sure you know I am talking about the Bill she is trying to push through in the Parliament. Aneesaththa, not being satisfied of ol man pyromaniac Abbas's amourous moves, now wants to back up His Foreverness. Well, you can kiss his dimpled tush if you think you can pass this Bill!

This is what the Bill states:
According to the Bill:
Article 2: (NOONU) he should be addressed as PRESIDENT (Raees) Officially!!!
Article 3: (that he should be paid the same salary as the President's salary by the state.
Article 4: provided a residence and office staff by the state.
Article 7: provided health care by the state and abroad and if he had a special doctor, then the services of that specialist doctor should be provided at the state expense.

Aneesa, darling! Listen to the Devil. You are evil! But not as evil as me!! Never!! Did you honestly (a word I abhor) think that you can get away with this, when your dumb-witted, old His Foreverness for Life Golhaa, by his own lying tongue, said that he has not ruled under the new constitution? Hehehehe…you are really stupid. Must make a new burning cove in Hell to house the kinds of you! Move over Judas!


Oh! Yeah! There is a legal terminology for the things that you and Your Foreverness Golhaa are going to do to this new constitution. It’s a simple two letter latin word called “Ultra Vires”. Ask any lawyer. It means acting in excess of and therefore against the powers conferred by a law, the Constitution being the supreme law of a nation, making your actions VOID under the Constitution!! You, my crazy ol’ Foreverness for Life Golhaabo Our God, is trying to fool the nation and the Devil again. And Aneesa Bag thinks she knows the law well enough to help you? Hehehe…..My Bloody Hell! You are cunning.

The basic argument is SINCE GOLHAA HAS CLAIMED HIMSELF THAT HE HAS NOT RULED UNDER THIS CONSITITUTION AND SINCE HE CLAIMS THAT IT IS A NEW CONSTITUTION, THEN THEREFORE HE CANNOT CLAIM ANYTHING AS AN OUTGOING RULER...BECAUSE BY THE SAME RULE, HE HAS NOT RULED UNDER THIS CONSTITUTION.

And that my little minions, is the end of tonight’s bedtime story. Have to get that burning bed ready for the Judges and a new hot cove to house my darling sweetie Aneesa! Dig?

Mulee Aage for the former Dictator? NEVER!

Now that people are still in celebratory mood after the end of the 30 year old Dictatorship and our Foreverness and Beloved Leader (NOT hehe) for Life Golhaabo is now obliterated from the Presidency forever, it is understandable that people are feeling a bit conciliatory towards the old man a little bit. But to give him Mulee-Aage to live is outrageous! WTF! With thousands of poor people like us cramped into tiny rooms the size of a cardboard box, the old goat who has swindled the country of millions SHOULD UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be given the former Presidential Palace to live! What on earth is the Wathan Edhey Gothah alliance of parties thinking of? If they give the Mulee-Aage to Golhaabo I demand my vote back.

Think of this. It is all well and good that former President's are given some kind of state pension and state protection. But with thousands of families facing housing problems, why should he take priority over us? My neighbour Mohamed Fulhube has been living with his 5 children and their spouses and their children in a cramped tiny two bedroomed house for the last 8 years. Even to breathe fresh air they need to go outside on the road. I believe he deserves to live in Mulee-Aage much more than Golhaabo and his wailing family. For god's sake, they have their own home Kinbigasdhoshuge! Why not go and live there? Madame Nattu has Endherimaage to live. Why not go there?

I for one would protest in front of Hilaaleege or wherever our President-elect Mohamed Nasheed Anni is residing if they indeed decide to give Mulee-Aage to golhaabo and I am sure I will not be alone.

How many of you think that the homeless poor people in Male deserves to live in Mulee-Aaage then Golhaabo and his family who have their own house Kinbigasdhoshuge? Lemme know.

and let me say this to His Excellency Anni "Sir, we know you are a generous person but THIS IS SIMPLY UNACCEPTABLE! THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HERE WHO ARE MORE DESERVING TO LIVE IN MULEE-AAGE THAN GOLHAABO! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN YOU LET HIM GO AND LIVE THERE! NO WAY MATE, NO WAY!"

Curried politics - The chicken or the egg debate of Maldivian Presidential Elections

It’s been a while but I have to put in my two cents-bit into the Qasim for President debate especially the argument that he is the best person to get rid of golhabo. Having read the DO editorial on Qasim Iburahim and the heated comments it had raised, I have come to the conclusion that all this boils down to the chicken or the egg situation. That is to say, Do we get rid of golhabo first or do we find a decent leader to run this country? Which one should come first?

The debate on whether the chicken or the egg came first has baffled philosophers, scientists, theologians and barmy students like moi for centuries. Compared to this, the question of whether golhabo should be got rid of first and then finding a decent leader would follow later or whether we should find a decent leader first and in the process golhabo would be got rid of, has baffled the Maldives from the various holhu ashi of the islands to the tea-shops of Male’. After an achingly extensive brain-storming session with my barmy mates, I have come to the conclusion that it all ultimately boils down to whether the chicken came first or the egg.

Assuming that ‘getting rid of golhabo’ is the Chicken and ‘finding a decent leader’ is the Egg, for the simple reason that golhabo looks more like a kukulhu than Anni, Ibra, Qasim or any of the other candidates, let’s have a look at what is already said on the topic. (For those of you with differing opinions on who look more like a kukulhu, please leave a comment to that effect).

1.According to some the egg came first, because other animals had been laying eggs long before chickens existed, such as the dinosaurs- therefore, we need to find a decent leader first before we think of getting rid of golhabo.

2. According to others the chicken came first because had the egg come first, there would have been no chicken to sit on it and keep it warm – therefore we need to get rid of golhabo first before we can think of a decent leader.


As this does not resolve the issue, we need to resort to a different way of solving this.

What are the criteria needed to be a decent leader and who ticks most of the boxes? Qasim, Anni, Ibra, Hassan, Umar Naseer?

Or what are the criteria needed to get rid of golhabo and who ticks most of the boxes?

If we can come up with the same name in both questions then we have resolved the issue of the chicken and the egg. They are one and the same.

If we do not come up with the same name in both questions we are back to square one (or back to the kukulhu koshi so as to speak).

In such an instance I would suggest resorting to a simpler personal solution. Which do you like most? Chicken curry or egg-curry? If it’s the chicken-curry then vote for Qasim. If its egg-curry vote for Anni or Hassan or Ibra or Umar Naseer or whoever is brave enough (or stupid enough) to run against Golhabo.

Either way let’s go and vote and get rid of this bastard golhabo.

Curried golhabo for dinner tonight?

Will he? Wont he? Ratify the new constitution.

Will he? Wont he? Ratify the new constitution.

Me thinks not. My brother is convinced that this is the end of His Mightiness Golhabo Gayoom the one and only. He is kicked to bits and between you and I, it is as if he will be the next occupant of Theemuge.

But getting back to the topic, I think we are being naive here to think that someone who has clung on to this power as if it is his birthright for 30 odd years is going to just coolly pick his gold embossed Mont Blanc pen and sign on the dotted line, signing away his chance of another 5 if possible 10 years in office? Nah! I think it is pretty naive to think that he will. He will fight tooth and nail to cling on to his power. He will throw all of us in Dhoonidhoo if he has to. He will stay in his Presidential Palace even if the whole world is against him.

But still the amendment to the constitution limiting the terms that anyone can be President to just two is indeed good news for all of us. But to think that, that could still lead our beloved Golhabo to stay in office for another 10 years is just plain scary. If he gets his way (and mind you, he would try his level best) then we are talking of having golhabo until 2018! Bloody hell! I would probably be married with two point four children and possibly going bald by then.

No way! We need to find a way to get rid of him. No, I dont mean to try and stab him. I certainly dont want to make a matyr out of him and make a ziyaaraiy. I mean we need to ensure that this bastard is not allowed to run for office ever again. Hmm, I need to put on my thinking cap for this. Any tips anyone?

But for now, I am celebrating that at least in 2018 it maybe me running for the post. Now THAT is a nice thought.

Golhabo prevents Hassan Saeed from running for President

I heard that our beloved God and leader for Life, Golhabo is going to propose an excellent amendment to our constitution that would in effect put an end to Dr. Hassan Saeed’s Presidential bid. He is going to ensure that no one with a foreign wife can become the President of the Maldives. The excuse that his cronies give is that someone with a Jewish or Christian wife might become the President of Maldives. But I am flabbergasted as to why they did not propose exactly that? I mean surely if that is the case, why not just say so instead of using the word “Foreign”?

No, this is nothing but the most outrageous, vile and despicable act to block Dr. Hassan Saeed from ever running for office. Our beloved gutless leader for life was too chicken to even face Hassan Saeed at an election, even though Golhabo has all the state’s vote rigging machinery at his disposal. Not only that, they are also putting an age bar on it so that anyone below forty would not be able to run for office too - incase Dr. Hassan S might decide to divorce his wife.

All this reminds me of an Aesop’s Fable I used to read as a child.

The Wolf and the Lamb

WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him: "Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf, "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations."

The tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny.

Our beloved God and Leader for Life, His Foreverness Maumoon Abdul Gayoom